The Insides of a Woman’s Heart

‘I have been spending quite some time trying to find the right words to perfectly fit the right thoughts. But then, it dawned on me just how pathetic my futile attempts are in constructing and reconstructing my ideas. There’s too much of them, swimming around my head like slimy little tadpoles in muddy waters; waiting for some sort of miracle to happen, for time to turn them into something better, greater. There are times when I wish for these thoughts to disappear, times when I wish I could muddle in the muddy waters and stir them from their peaceful phase if only to relieve me for a moment from the burden of such thoughts. There are times too when I feel disconnected from my thoughts, like a part of me is forever separated from them all. But that’s ironic, though. For these thoughts, these fragile little thoughts, are what I am made up of.’ 

Close your eyes and look at her. Look at her closely, carefully; a disoriented woman with disoriented thoughts. To have her is utopia. To love her, a burning hell. Such a woman could make you spin in endless circles, as you tiptoe the cloudy paths towards the gate of heaven. Bliss, as they put it; eternal bliss and rapture alongside angels and harps and musical notes that foretell of her feminine spirit.  Be with her and you’ll feel happiness too profound for words to comprehend. Stay with her and you’ll find a joy like no other. Such a woman, a heaven-sent.

Induce her with your love and you will find her strangling with the ropes to free herself from any bond. Soon enough, she will tie you with the same rope and will hold you by the neck, enough to suffocate you with the things she couldn’t understand. She will beat you with a thousand whips until you finally understand her meaning of pain. She need not a thing for cruelty; she has had enough. Such a woman will drag you along her self-inflicted misery, like a miserable penitent in the valley of forgiveness. She will carry you through her pilgrimages and will show you the scarred face that was hidden behind the veil for so long. When she does these things, take heart. A woman only spends her time to those who are worth keeping.  When she opens up her world to you, that dark and far-off place no one has ever heard of or seen, do not fear. Feel her warmth, her gentle spirit. She will welcome you with utter delight for you are the first.

She will take you to places; that wandering woman. She will take you to the peaks of the mountains where the earth and the sky kisses.

You will both swim down the bottom of the ocean waters and seek for lost treasures. A woman has it instilled inside her soul; that penchant for missing pieces. She will take you to the horizon where the sun sets in glory. Be blinded by the glimmer for you know it by heart that when she shines, she shines the brightest. Walk the miles with her, soar above the clouds. Let her know that you will keep her company, the wings that will lift her to infinite heights. She will walk away from you for a bit. Still, grab her by the hand. Hold her palms as tightly as you could and don’t ever let her go. Dance with her under the music of the purple rain, the ever-enchanting melody of a man who chose to love a lost woman and a woman who chose to be found. Kiss her under the starry night skies, make it magical. Give the woman a last chance to dwell in a world of make-believe, her final blow to be a princess in pink. Wake her up when the time ticks and remind her, yes, remind her of who she really is.

She will never promise you anything; neither will you. For you both know that promises are empty and words are weak. Shall a ghastly day comes for the music to lose its beat and harmony, allow yourself to drown in its eternal sound. Do not ever be frightened of  losing the woman. She may run a thousand miles away from you: out of fear, out of sadness or out of that excessive longing to simply run away. But she will come back.  A woman’s heart is never lost, for at the end of all her journeys and adventures, she knows the way back to the waiting arms of her beloved man.  Chain her feet but you can not chain her soul. Such a wandering spirit will find a way to unfasten the bonds and fly; fly to where his man is. Lock the woman and she shall laugh; for how great a thing it is to be locked away with love.

Men have so far treated women like birds who had strayed to them from some height: wilder, stranger, sweeter, and more soulful–but as something one has to lock up lest it fly away.
Friedrich Nietzsche.  Section 237a  Part 7, Our Virtues. Beyond Good and Evil. 


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