Lumus Maxima

Once upon a wishful dream, I came across a stranger and fell in love with him. In my dream, I cast a spell of love and there he vowed to love me for all eternity. The time came and the time went, we lived and loved inside the dream. Until one dark and dreary morning, he woke up and loved me no more.

I woke up to the pitter-pattering of the raindrops and the first thing that came into my mind was you. I watched as the rain showered gently from up above to wash away the melancholy within me. I must have been sleeping for so long to think that there is nothing left for me to chase but time. But still, I wish not to be awakened from such slumber because there, and only there, am I able to catch a glimpse of you.

But who are you? You, who steals every precious minute of my dream and puts me into a state of trance. You, who takes a gentle grip of my hand and leads me to a world of make-believe. You, who lures me with magic and fantasy and fills my heart with such wonder and awe. Tell me, who are you?

It’s ironic to think that you are, just like everyone else, a stranger. Yet for some profound reasons, it is as if I knew you all my life. I can feel you in the gentle breeze that hovers around me. I can taste you in the presence of the pouring rain. I can hear you in the stillness of a cold afternoon. I can see you, no matter how obscure the vision may be, in every nook and cranny of my searching heart. 

I’ve memorized the way you captivate my heart with your eerie silence, like a favorite melody at the back of my mind. I’ve known the way you move through my fragile soul, as I lay waiting for another chance to see you again. I’ve collected every memory of you and me and kept them inside a jar so that one day, I shall be able to set them free as I find the courage to scream my heart out to you. I’ve ran back and forth through time, in hope that I shall find you in between the empty spaces and take back all that was lost and found. I’ve cherished the sound of your voice when you call my name and how it melts my innermost being whenever you break the deafening silence between dream and reality.  I’ve remembered every memory of the day we met and where and why and how we took a share of a long-lost dream, like we have known each other from the very beginning.

But still, I don’t know you.

If I were to cut your heart open, would I find my name written in it? If I were to scream your name out loud, would it resound your voice? If I were to give you my tell-tale heart, would you realize that I have loved you from the very start? And if this was just a dream, would we ever find a way to meet each other when we wake up?

Still, the awful truth screams out that you are nothing but a state of mind, a perpetual illusion, an elusive reality, a heart that shall never be mine.

So I shall wait. I will wait until the final raindrop falls to the ground and wish that someday, somehow, love will find its way through the chambers of your imaginary heart. I will spread stardust among our most kept memories and chose the ones that I will never forget so that when you finally reveal your name and remember, you will recognize the same soul and find a reason to love me once more.

I will breathe magic into the time we have spent together, even if such moments are only under a shadow of a gloomy dream and cast a night wish to every star in the universe. And when there’s nothing left but screaming memories of yesterdays we have shared, I shall only hope and believe that even though you have forgotten the promise you made to me, once upon a wishful dream, you will still find a way back to our dream and love me again.


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