For Mom

Hello Mom.

Thanks for saying thanks to my text message greeting. I am sorry that is all I can afford to do for you on this special Sunday. I know I can just take a bus and go home to see you today, but we both know that I am too weak for that.

I could try to hide it but eventually the fact would echo deep in my heart that I would soon end up feeling lonely. I love you too much Mom that it begins to hurt whenever I think about how much you despise me, how little you care about me, how you see me just like everybody else. It made me think that perhaps this is one of the many reasons why people didn’t invent a Daughter’s Day holiday in the year; that perhaps it really comes to a point where a mother learns to abandon, forsake, neglect, and even forget her own daughter.

But look Mom, I’m strong! I’m trying to be. Even though it hurts in a thousand tormenting ways in every second of every minute of my life without you by my side, I will still try my hardest to be okay. All I need and ask from you is to think about me once in a while—in bed when you sleep at night, in your waking hours, in the loving embrace of my brother and sisters, in your stillest most unreachable silence under the guidance of a house that used to be our home, and remember well that in some far distant place, I will not cease to be your daughter and I will not cease to love you that way.

I will be okay Mom. I’m a grown-up now. I will take with me, along with the cherished, fragile memories of us together, the lessons that you have forced upon me in my childhood.

I thank you for the love, as much as for the pain, that I have received from you. I thank you for the iron fist that slowly melted into tender hands that touched upon my innermost being in my loneliest hours. I thank you for the bitter words that guided my feet, like lamp, to wisdom. I thank you for my life, Mom. You have made me a stronger person from the moment you told me to live without you until the day I realized that I can.

In distance I will love you and honor you, Mommy. There is no other person in the world that shall ever take your place in my heart and in my life.


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