In a matter of hours everything that I have ever seen, felt and experienced for the past one year shall all be sucked into this grand massive festivity known as New Year’s Day. Everything that I have ever been through shall be effaced gracefully from memory to make room for the coming of a brand new year. And in the light of such a gleeful anticipation, there is within my soul a yearning to look back, to remember. In the midst of the blinding glare of pyrotechnics and the thunderous sound of gaiety lies a deafening silence for this retrospection.
2013 was a year of both loss and gain. There was, all throughout the year, a familiar rhythm of the coming and going of things, of people. It marked the dawn of an awakening that for the most part brought me the hardest lesson I ever had to learn in life: to let go. Be it an expensive backpack I kept all summer long only to be stolen in the 2nd month of the semester or a missed chance to present a paper in a school seminar, or perhaps, a memory of childhood on a rainy August afternoon, there was only one loud sound throbbing incessantly in my mind: “Let it all go.”
But of course it seemed too easy when it deal with things. But with people, and with life in general, letting go was a task too herculean for my fragile heart. It demanded from me my whole life, my whole soul. And as if that was not enough, the price I had to pay for braving to let go was an equally tormenting path. But who ever said life was supposed to be easy? What I learned from 2013 was to accept the eventuality of things: that things will eventually make sense, that things will eventually fall in its proper place, or will not fall. And that people, no matter how much we hold on to them, will eventually elude our grasp and walk out of our lives, like one would walk out by an open door. The truly most important thing is that this is not tragic, not even a bit. This is all right in the end, this is ‘eventually’.
Just as things possess their eventuality, so does time, which gives me a blunt anticipation tonight as the world marches forward to yet another year. Because at the back of my mind I know that this will happen. We all know it will happen. And so we wait for it, eagerly and full of mad hope. In the dire attempt to understand the perpetual parade of time and the ceaseless transitions of pasts, presents and futures, lies that familiar whisper in my ear that says “Let everything go.”
And so tonight I make a final count. I close my eyes and think of time and its eventuality, as the glory of the New Year calmly creeps its way to me.
Happy New Year to us all! 🙂