An End to a Year and the Myth of New Beginnings

All of us look back to a certain time in our lives, seeking for the same turbulence of the New Year celebration and trying to relive the excitement we once had as a child, but finding instead that all of our attempts only lead us to a place where it is silent and calm.

Welcome to the world of adulthood. 

Party poppers everywhere floating in the air like candy-colored snow flakes; the smell of cheap champagne slowly seeping into the perfect curve of crystal glasses; the loud, throbbing sound of the latest pop song cracking into everyone’s head like a powerful chemical compound; the roaring laughter from across the living room beating into your heart like a familiar melody.

You were once surrounded by everyone you love. You were young but you understood them all, as everyone huddled into a tight crowd and counted the seconds to a brand new year.

But none of them is here now. I slip beneath my blankets, cold and unfeeling, as the rebel songs of my youth blast into my ears like the violent voices of my demons. From my bedroom window, I can hear the entire world and its merrymaking: the crack of fireworks, the siren of police cars, and the laughter of all those faceless people. I am perfectly still and nothing can break me now. In front of me are the memories of childhood, flashing like headlights in the misty boulevard of this passive indifference. I count each of these memories and let everything come to pass.

2017 was my breathing space. It was a year of respite and recovery from the countless tremendous assault of the preceding year. But mostly, it was a year of rediscovering life and learning how to live again. For the first time in a very long time, I finally mustered the courage that is left of me and began reaching greater heights where I met new people and gained new experiences.

But I have to say, it wasn’t an easy year. January was a mad woman. February was a phantom pulling me to my grave. March was almost the end of me. In April, I thought I was going to die when I finally learned how to tie a hangman’s noose and hoist myself from my bedroom ceiling. But the rest of the months were kind and forgiving, and here I am still, unfortunately.

I used to be so sad, so broken, because I thought it was easier to be that way than to face my demons and fight. But it takes a certain kind of courage to finally acknowledge your condition and to own up to your being human. I had to throw myself out there and let myself suffer if only for me to realize that there is no other cure for pain than pain itself.

I no longer wait for a time when these wounds shall heal, or dream of a paradise where I am free from all of this earthly sadness. I am a human and that is all I am ever gonna be. I no longer mourn my tragedies for I have learned how to live with them now, the way I have learned how to live with the ghosts of the people in my former life.

I shall leave it to Time to erase the memories of all the people I have loved in life, and to be left with nothing except for the brief, beautiful memory that I was once young, happy, and free.

In about an hour, 2017 shall dissolve into the horizon to pave the way for the coming of a brand new year. But a brand new year is only new for a day. After that, the glory of the new year is swept away, with all the force of a raging river, into the lonely pool of the ordinary.

So I tell myself, be strong and brace yourself for the coming wave.


11 thoughts on “An End to a Year and the Myth of New Beginnings

  1. Truly beautiful post 👏🏻

    I also don’t see sense in celebrating new year, partying. I mean, what’s so special about this day, only that Earth has again completed one more revolution around the Sun.

    Instead, we should celebrate each day and each moment. We should meet our friends/family not just on new year’s eve or any special occasion, but whenever we have time.

    And, people declaring their new year resolutions, that sounds even more absurd.
    I mean, living healthily, working hard, and meeting new people should be a lifestyle and not just some long list of tasks to accomplish one-by-one.

    And even if we want to celebrate, then we should do something good to mark the beginning of a new year, like helping people who are in need.

    Happy life ahead 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is such a very profound insight. Thank you for leaving this note here and for wishing me a happy life. I wish the same for you too.

      I totally agree on your thoughts about new year resolutions. Decisions like these ought to be seen as an integral part of one’s lifestyle and not just some set of chores to cross out when the year ends.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel sorry that you have a tough year in 2017. I wish you have a wonderful year in 2018.
    Yeah sometimes I feel the new year is only brand new for only one day but actually it isn’t. It is like a water drops on a pond, you can still see the vibration on the water surface until it vanishes from sight…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, perhaps it isn’t. But then again, I figure nothing is ever really new other than people’s perspective of time. When you come to think of it, Time is really just this boundless and continuous passing of seasons. The only reason we objectify Time is for us to understand it.

      Nonetheless, you have such a thought-provoking point of view here and you write beautifully too.

      Liked by 1 person

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