When I was in sophomore year of high school, we were asked to write a book about our lives. A book narrating our birth, our stories. A book introducing ourselves to the world.
I remember pouring my soul into that autobiographical project. Being the shameless, self-confessed (oftentimes narcissistic) writer that I was, I wrote paragraphs after paragraphs, convinced to myself that I was writing something important. I saw my life sharply on a smooth, linear, uninterrupted path. I summoned my memories as effortlessly as breathing.
Continue reading “Selfish Specters and the Curse of Forgetting”
By the time this blog post is up, September is about to come to a close. But I am going to leave this post here anyway as a form of remembrance for the closing month and for all the things that it will take away with it.
Thank you, September. You have been gentle and kind.
Continue reading “September in Squares”
If you were given a chance to sleep and wake up 500 million years into the future, would you do it? Would you wish to wake up to a world where humanity, and perhaps the whole of the planet, is entirely annihilated? Where the memory of a former life is so distant and out of reach that it almost feels like you are waking up to an entirely different lifetime? Where the faces and the places surrounding you are no longer tinged with an acute sense of warmth and familiarity? Would you be glad to know that you are alone now, no longer surrounded by the people you once knew, no longer in the presence of every living being you once associated with your own dear life, the memories of them woven in the lonely background of your own, finally becoming one and intertwined.
Continue reading “Sleepwalking Through the Singularity”
If you dig deep into this blog, you will find that the first entry I’ve ever written, almost seven years ago, was about a boy. I met him during my first year in college. I couldn’t remember anything about that day now. All I could clearly recall was the sun, burning brightly outside the classroom like there was no end to its flames, and his smile, warm as July weather to my heart that was frozen as ice.
And just like that, I fell madly in love with him — no questions asked. It was as if I was caught in a trap, almost as if the Universe never even gave me a chance to run and escape, or never even asked me if I was ready to risk my heart for what would turn out to be a grand torment of an experience.
Continue reading “Epilogue Part III: There Was Once A Boy Behind This Blog”
I stood by the bridge, overlooking España Boulevard and UST. I thumbed through the spaces that surround me, overtaken by the swooping sensation that I was so close to the world, yet so distant and so disconnected from it all. Lights blinked from every corner of the place like kaleidoscope colors splashing life to the dead canvas of my troubled mind.
Continue reading “Epilogue Part II: Genealogy of Heartbreaks”
Certain places in the city never catch my attention and make an impact — like the crowded stretch of a boulevard or the blinking signal of traffic lights. I consider them ordinary, the way most people do, and recognize them as merely a part of the overall rhythm of the life force that drives and moves the city.
Continue reading “Epilogue Part I: Midnight Tour and Memories”
One . . . two. . . three
The jeepney swerved to the left and to the right before it made a full stop at a gasoline station where its tank was filled with fuel: hot, brazen, and gold. I imagined the smooth texture of the combustible fluid sliding effortlessly down my throat, setting my body in flames. I remembered the film I saw once about a Buddhist monk who burned himself to death in 1963: how fire licked his skin, his robe, his being, and how he felt nothing. I wanted so badly to assume that he died feeling nothing.
Continue reading “Writing as Memory”
It feels so peculiar typing the word April on this page.
It was only yesterday when my eyes glittered at the sight of fireworks on New Year’s Eve; only yesterday when we welcomed the zodiac year with towering wishes for good health and good fortune; only yesterday when I blew my candles away and embraced a brand new age of existence. Continue reading “April in a Nutshell”
For the longest time in my blogging venture, I have never felt the urge to post any of those “life update” entries where people share the latest stories about their life, mostly because I believe that I do not owe anybody an explanation for my life and that nobody really cares about what’s really going on.
Continue reading “Wander Weekly 02: A Tour Inside My Head”
All of us look back to a certain time in our lives, seeking for the same turbulence of the New Year celebration and trying to relive the excitement we once had as a child, but finding instead that all of our attempts only lead us to a place where it is silent and calm.
Welcome to the world of adulthood.
Continue reading “An End to a Year and the Myth of New Beginnings”
One thing I know for certain is that the holidays in the blogging world is never complete without blogmas, a special blogging tradition featuring Christmas-themed blog posts which usually run from the first of December up to Christmas Day. Continue reading “All I Want for Christmas”
It’s Sunday and I have plenty of time on my hands so I figure I am going to post a blog award today. Honestly, I miss writing these kinds of posts and I miss spending time with people in this blogging community. And since I have some free time today, I’m gonna catch up on these blog awards. Thanks soobxblog for the nomination even though I am months behind haha. Continue reading “The Inspirational Blogger Award”
But even in the retreat of words, even in the absence of expression, the throbbing pulse of my thoughts pound me down like a hammer to an iron nail. So here I am, struggling to compose letters into words, words into sentences, and finally, sentences into a sensible set of ideas, obsessions, sadness, and tears. Continue reading “Wander Weekly 01: Afterthoughts on After Laughter”
Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.
Continue reading “Mourning Diaries”